How did I not see this earlier!?

Ten years and a bit ago, when my tiny bundle of joy turned into a tiny bundle of mystery and confusion, I branched out my arms and tried to find help from anywhere. My baby wasn’t sleeping, he would become distressed to the point of not letting me move without him. I couldn’t put him down, I wasn’t able to hold him, swaddle him or any of the “normal” mother instinct type things. I needed advice and it was difficult to find.

It would come as no surprise then that the few special people who could help also became familiars to me. Not being allowed to call them friends (but thinking they are anyway) they still nestled themselves deeply in my heart as “the people who came to our rescue”.
As times went by and I would call on the various places where they worked, I would sometimes not see my familiar face around anymore. When inquiring about this, I would get answers like :”Oh, she’s retired” or :” He moved house and went to work somewhere else”.

This would happen every two or so years, I felt like I had to “break in” a new team all the time. It was exhausting but at the same time, rewarding as the circle of knowledge about Hypohidrotic Ectodermal Dysplasia (HED) grew around us. Every one person who knew, could tell another and another and so spread the knowledge to assist future children born with this. My, I would have loved to be the one who heard :”Yes, I have treated a child with HED before and I know exactly what to do”. Alas, it has only happened once. …Or, should I say, YES, it happened once! 🙂

I used to feel that they had in some way abandoned us, left our lifeline cut. I felt miserable that they moved on to greener pastures while we were stuck, struggling to “teach” someone new.

This morning, I heard something on TV. Not related to any of this but it made me sit up and realize something.
The people who changed jobs didn’t abandon us. They didn’t do it to leave the parents high and dry. They did what ever any employee is able to do, they simply changed their jobs.!

My feelings of sadness and resentment were not because they left, they came about because I realized something. I realized that I am a Mother Forever! I can’t change my job when I want to get a better pay check or when the stress gets to me. I am in this 24/7

How did I not see this earlier? I think I was still clinging to this hope that one day, someone I grew close to in a job would turn out to be a friend who is living the parallel life with me.

With Love and Support,

Tarja Kelly

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