An update

They say the hardest thing after falling off a horse, is getting back on it. I think it is harder to start writing again after going through a major upheaval in life and mind.

I feel guilty, yes, guilty, that I have let you all down by not continuing the story I promised from our holiday. I feel awful that I never wrote the update about how the kids handle the cold. And I am grappling with the “new life” I am having to adjust to.

I never wrote the part two of the holiday because of what transpired the weeks after it. Our Matthew’s skin decided to play up in a major way. Couple this with sympathy and other comments which an autistic child sadly can’t process, he ended up in such distress his skin broke out violently. The night he stood in the lounge room with his legs weeping white blood cells because it wanted to heal the badly scratched skin, we knew it would be another hospital stay. I took him to the Dr.’s surgery and to my surprise and absolute relief, we were seen by a Doctor who was familiar with eczema of this extent.

True, he did say that he had only seen this extent of eczema twice in his Carrere but he at least had seen it.

Matthew was admitted that afternoon. A week later we took a shiny and new child out of the hospital. His skin looked as new as the day he was born. He went back to school and two days later we were struggling to keep his skin under control. He was trying to blend in and be a school kid but there were too many comments about how lovely his skin looks and how great he should feel and that was just too much for him to handle. A week before school finished for the Easter Holidays, I took him out because he was going downhill fast.

While all this is going on, I was supposed to be a mother to the other three, a wife to my husband and keep the place clean enough for the two with allergies. This is where I started struggling. Last year, when I realised that after the Christmas Holidays, I would have 4 days in the home, alone from 9.30 am until at least 3 pm I was almost overwhelmed with the thought of what I could achieve with all this time.

I started to imagine and plan the days I could unashamedly, go through boxes of junk and make decisions on “keep” or “toss” without the little voices of “Mummy, why can’t we play with it now?”. I had visions of oodles of boxes, packed for shipping to charity shops. Time in the middle to do dishes and all the other mundane chores which I do in strange bursts of energy all through the day. I flitter here, I flutter there and I don’t do one task for very long but I get everything done before the troops return home.  I even dared dream of sewing and creating little masterpieces like I used to BC (before children).

Well, I set aside all my “me” time during the December holidays because I knew there was plenty of it coming up…… It didn’t. I have my husband at home. Things happened and times got difficult and he is home.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the extra body in the house, really I do. But, I have not been alone in this house for longer than 2 hours now since Thursday the 16th of December. The routine I had dreamt about has not happened. The days where I can walk in to an empty home without a sound but the wind in the trees and the odd creak of floorboards as I walk around has not eventuated. I have not had a silent moment to think or write without it turning into a whinge (oh my goodness, this is one now!) and I don’t wish to burden all of you with it.

And so it transpires that we have two with repeated eczema flare ups, living in a house which is totally unsuitable, no funds to move and enter a new contract, a house to build which is yet to be started, the Easter Holidays half way gone and a mum who is still trying to readjust to her “new” life with a full time home husband. Hoping the next blog will be of lighter issues like which tissue is softer on a child’s nose.

With love and support and an eye firmly planted on the silver lining,

Tarja Kelly


2 Responses to “An update”

  1. 1 Farukh 11/10/2011 at 10:43 pm

    i am a father of an HED son in Pakistan. i can relate to most of what you write in your blogs and its also very helpful to know how some one manages all simmilar issues which we are facing. Thanks and keep writing ,

    • 2 tarjakelly 11/10/2011 at 10:52 pm

      Hi, thank you for your feedback. I am glad our journey is making your journey a little easier. I will definitely keep writing, thank you so much

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