Utter restraint, just keep smiling

I have a bone to pick. A rather large one, so bear with me.

My family is big, I have three boys and a girl (on a bad day I have 4 boys but he doesn’t like being called that. I suppose he is married to me).

Some days, when I take all my children shopping with me, I get “attacked” by people trying to tell me what I can do better or could have avoided all together. For example… ” Oh your poor boys. My little one used to have eczema like them. Oh no, nowhere near as bad as yours have it. They do look like they are in so much pain” (Note: Both the boys in so much pain, are chasing each other around a play ride, squealing and laughing) “I used to use blah blah and it went overnight. Tell me, do you……?”

In my head the resulting answer from me is something like this. “Well, if your little one had eczema like mine get, and blah blah took it away overnight, how come I don’t see your name on a jar of miracle cream? I just want to get milk and bread! Not a cure for something we have the upper hand on right now. I am happy, my family is happy! Bugger off and let me go to Woolies before the kids get cranky and I’ll be stuck here for two hours.”

To the do-gooder I say, “I wish I had brought a pen and paper. Sounds so interesting, I might give it a go. Thank you so much, have a nice day.”

This won’t have been the first conversation along those lines on the same trip either. I have had days where I had 5 people approach me in different parts of the centre to give me an ear full of “miracle this” and “you did that wrong”.

Now, why would I do this to myself? Why do I practically invite progressive do-gooders to “assault” me every time I go out with the kids? Why should my family even attract them? Are we sending out “please help us for the love of God” signals? Can anyone tell me how to turn them off?

I have even been told that it is my fault the boys have Hypohidrotic Ectodermal Dysplasia.

Yes, I kid you not!

Well, guess what…I DID!

I did not, however, poison my DNA by washing with soap, eating off plastic plates, using laundry detergent and dishwasher tablets. I did not break it by eating processed foods, brushing with Colgate or by using shampoo. I didn’t drink, I’ve never smoked and I even hold my breath when I use bug spray.

I gave my boys Hypohidrotic Ectodermal Dysplasia, because my mum gave it to me, her mother gave it to her and her grandmother got it from her mother!

So PLEASE, I am a mother of four, taking my kids to the shops for food, not for 101 miracle cures for eczema and HED!

With Love & Support, (and feeling a bit better after my rant),

Tarja Kelly

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4 Responses to “Utter restraint, just keep smiling”


  1. 1 Cheryal 27/09/2010 at 11:10 am

    Hi Tarja,

    Amen to that sister, I have 2 severely disabled kids and soooooo understand what your saying, you actually sound like me LOLOLOL and as far as I’m concerned rant away!!!!! Give the boys a hug and kiss from us. Oh and I forgot you, how rude you deserve the biggest hug so here you are ((((((( 0 ))))))))), I haven’t had me time for 10 months and can totally relate.

    Cheryal, TJ and Lulu.

    • 2 tarjakelly 27/09/2010 at 11:20 am

      Thank you very much Cheryal {{{{hugs}}}} right back at you. I am soooooo glad I am not the only one who feels like that from time to time. xxx Tarja

  2. 3 Rebecca Brown 24/11/2012 at 10:56 pm

    I’ve just come across your site. Have been looking for someone else that has a child with HED and actually has the same feelings as I do when it comes to this sort of stuff. Really pushes my buttons but alas I usually hold my breath and realise that they probably have never heard of HED and quite frankly I don’t want to explain it for the fifty-millionth time. I’m going to try and get through all your posts. Thank you for this 🙂

  3. 4 Carrie lopez 19/03/2014 at 1:44 am

    Oh my goodness! I just happened to stumble on your blog. I feel the same way. People will ask oh have you tried phytoplankton ? No, and I am not going to due to extreme allergies. Have you tried aqaphor? Ugghhh… As if it is not bad enough with my children having no adult teeth , we have to worry about heat, we have to make sure she isn’t touched by anything so she doesn’t get infection, and not to explain everything little detail. I just want to scream. Like I already feel helpless. There is nothing I can do but manage my child to the best of my ability and help of drs. I feel that exact same way! It is like when you find a miracle cream that i have not tried for my daughters pain please inform me then… lol


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